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  • From whence they came - the origin trilogy of Flying Pancreas

    6 Ago 2007, 9:29

    Space. The year 2099.

    King Fudge, having achieved a utopia of sorts, had just retired his throne. As a result of his upstanding moral conscience, he was not afraid to walk vulnerably amongst the rabble and subjects littering his streets. King Fudge graced them with applesauce and tiny bathroom pearls. As the majority of his subjects were animals or largely deaf, it was not uncommon for him to discuss politics with them.

    "King Fudge," exclaimed the uppity lizard, Esteban. "Where does goodness come from?"

    "From each and every one of you," King Fudge replied. Oh, how the animals loved King Fudge. He kept them safe aboard his spaceship.

    But not all was well within the year 2099, in space.

    Long thought dead, Dr. Brittle had not been heard from in three years, to the delight of Space. However, his henchman, Wily McDOOM had recently acquired a long-sought after reanimation machine. Without hesitation, he had revived this familiar face from King Fudge's past.

    Dr. Brittle uncrossed his arms and stepped slowly out of the mist and eerie red lighting of the animation chamber. His eyes glowing fiery orange, he grabbed the nearest bottle of Clearasil and had Wily dial for Chinese takeout

    TO BE CONTINUED



    Part II.

    Space. The year is 2099.

    The clock spun forward, the world spun around, and subsequently, tiny animals ran to get out of the way. Here at the clock and world-spinning festival, presided over by King Fudge himself, you just never knew what wacky direction a clock or world would fly in.

    It was on that fateful day of the festival that Dr. Brittle chose to make his first dastardly move.

    As King Fudge announced to his blissful (and well-drugged) populous of animatronic snowmen that every day was hereby officially a holiday, Dr. Brittle was growing in strength in power. With a thunderous crash he descended into the town plaza.

    Panic gripped the crowd. Many of the snowmen unplugged themselves.

    Aghast at the disruption of his pomp, King Fudge threw off his robes and promptly reapplied them when he recalled his bareness underneath.

    "My arch-nemesis, I thought you dead!" he exclaimed bravely.

    Dr. Brittle seethed a laugh. "I will not depart this plane until I have seen you off it first!"

    "Shall we duel to the death, then?" asked our royal hero.

    King Fudge drew his sword. Dr. Brittle unhinged his cane to reveal his death laser. They circled each other like lions initiating a delicate dance of death. Nearby theremin players scored the moment carefully. A maiden fainted, because they do such as that during moments like this. Nervous children helplessly wet themselves and lined up outside the city Laundromats.

    Something about the determined glint in both the combatants eyes told the frightened public that at long last the eternal struggle between good and evil was to be finally resolved for once and for all and forever decided and sealed. Finally.

    We'll tell you all about it next time.
    TO BE CONTINUED.




    Part III.
    Space. The year 2099.

    It was definitely not the best of Time. It was the worst of Time. Seriously, cancel your subscription.

    For Wily McDOOM was removing his scabs with a ruler. Dr. Brittle had taught him a severe lesson about ordering that lemon ice and supporting the local economy of King Fudge's spaceship.

    King Fudge agreed with your humble narrator that it was quite certainly the worst of times; for he was hopelessly imprisoned in the cargo hold, after losing the battle as a consequence of a poorly tied shoelace. He paced back and forth anxiously, whistling an ancient, timeless song from the video records about how small a world it was, after all.

    As he sang, one of the prisoners next to him began to scream and convulse as though he was splitting in two. King Fudge was mildly offended. Was it his singing?

    A large shadow erupted from the other prisoner. As might be expected, it opened a portal to the Earth in the year 2006, and King Fudge managed a glimpse through the time portal just in time to see the shadowy force affix itself to a gangly kid walking along Earth wearing headphones. The anonymous hipster, suddenly quite evil, cackled something about destroying the cosmos from its new host body. Alarmed, King Fudge fell asleep.

    He awoke to one of Dr. Brittle's mind scanners, and the episode seemed to decidedly trouble the nefarious Doctor.

    "If this was the Desolatory Shadow Force you have set loose with your idle chicanery, I fear the entire bubble of space-time may be undone!" Dr. Brittle exclaimed expositionally in his "Oh how delightful" tone of voice. His cohort, Wily McDOOM clapped, laughed, and juggled some potatoes for sport.

    King Fudge, thinking on his feet, pointed out that if space and time are destroyed in the past, no credit for its destruction will belong to Dr. Brittle, who'd never have come to exist. His infernal ego threatened, Dr. Brittle reconsidered King Fudge's imprisonment, and offered his hand in amity to request the King's expertise in transporting his ship, the Flying Pancreas, back through time, to where they might be able to defeat the Shadow Hipster... in the event they could locate him on such a dense and bizarre planet.

    As these always end (yes even the last one):

    TO BE CONTINUED!
  • from the land of the rising sun

    25 Oct 2006, 7:44

    By way of some cool Osakan kids, I've unearthed some really great new music. And thanks to being a nerd and studying this crazy language, I can even halfway understand it.

    If you want good Japanese music, I recommend these (in order of awesomeness):

    Guitar Wolf

    -Crazy 77-style punk music. Intense and fun, noisy chaos. It's what the Hives wish they were.

    Shonen Knife

    -Beautiful female rock

    Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her

    -Also beautiful female rock, but with a nice, abrasive Raincoats-ish edge. 'Seventeen' is definitely worth a listen.

    POLYSICS

    -Trippy spaz music, not for the weak of constitution.

    Fishmans

    -Japanese reggae one can relax to. "Go go round this world" is a great track.

    Melt Banana

    -Imagine feeding some female monkeys a bunch of crack and letting them use recording studio equipment. Energy for no reason. Listening to it is like trying to cross a busy 5-lane street. If you're like me, you'll love it.

    There it is, you bastards! I'll update this as I find more.