...and I don't want to take that any more, hombre, Reino Unido!Visto por última vez: ayer por la tarde

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Can I start by clarifying gender issues? I am male. Totally male. Rude bits and everything. I only ever have female icons in my avatar though. Normally of people I've danced around my handbag to in another time and place. If Doctor Who is reading this, the sexual act of your choice in exchange for a free ride in the TARDIS back to 1988... how about it?

Sorry for those members of the great unwashed who dislike my taste in music. But you know, to all the twerking twerkers and the people who think a bacon buttie makes for a cool dress, we have one thing to say: Follow this you bitches. And to all who believe adding a rapper to a Simon Cowell act will make you a 'gangsta', we say this: Jazzi P was more 'gangsta' than you'll ever be.

I'm gonna get sexy y'all. Anyone got Lee Ryan of Blue's Skype address?

It's going to take a long time using Last.FM for my overall tracks to be truly reflective of my favourites. So whilst the artist chart on here is pretty indicative, I should just mention that my favourite 'pop' track of all time is Kylie Minogue's "Better The Devil You Know" whilst my favourite dance track of all time is Ruff Driverz presents Arrola with "Dreaming". Oh, and any inclusion of Mariah Carey is based on old Mariah, when she used to sing proper songs. See also: Madonna.

Oh yes... all this rubbish music clogging up the UK charts due to the fact that people download rubbish imposed on them by multinational A&R. Remember the days where one of the qualifications to be a singer was having an ability to actually sing?

...but for all my bitching about shit music, possible contradiction shows in my milestone Last.FM play tracks, which are:

50,000th Madonna - Turn Up The Radio
45,000th Whigfield - Another Day
40,000th: Cher - Believe
35,000th: Cola Boy - 7 Ways To Love
30,000th: Cliff Richard - I Just Don't Have The Heart
25,000th: Geri Halliwell - Walkaway
20,000th: Scooter - The Logical Song (D-Bop UK Mix)
15,000th: Geri Halliwell - Look At Me
10,000th: Heidi Klum - Wonderland
5,000th: Gina G - Tonight's The Night (12" Original)
1,000th: Gabrielle - Walk On By

More on my tastes...

My top five albums of all time:
1. Madonna - Ray Of Light
2. Kylie Minogue - Light Years
3. Kylie Minogue - Impossible Princess
4. Dannii Minogue - Girl
5. Moby - Play

My top TV Shows of all time:
1. Coronation Street
2. Prisoner: Cell Block H
3. The X Files
4. Most Haunted
5. Absolutely Fabulous
6. Lark Rise To Candleford
7. Keeping Up Appearances
8. The Golden Girls
9. Roseanne
10. Vicar of Dibley
11. Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
12. Spooks

Top 10 Films:
1. For The Boys
2. The Others
3. A.I. Artificial Intelligence
4. Meet Joe Black
5. Ghost
6. Moulin Rouge
7. Practical Magic
8. Evita
9. The Sixth Sense
10. The Talented Mr. Ripley

I also love what most retailers call 'World Cinema' and, because it's so difficult to find recommendations, I thought I'd share ten of mine:

1. The Orphanage
2. Europa Europa
3. Devil's Backbone
4. Pan's Labyrinth
5. Black Book
6. Bad Education
7. Live Flesh
8. The Dreamers
9. Cinema Paradiso
10. Fuehrer Ex

I could go on and on, but I'd bore you, so I won't.

Enough lists. You don't care. Why would you?

Oh yeah... because you're on a website dedicated to lists, that's why!

P.S. The first half of this was written with tongue very firmly in cheek. And no, I don't mean those cheeks, you naughty twerking Cyrus type, you. And if all that twerking is making you itch... ewww.


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