It's my United States of... whatever!

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6 Sep 2008, 19:19

Journals are WMBFs. Weapons of massive boredom fighting!

In a silly attempt to combine music and relevant nationwide issues, like say politics, here’s a list of artists that would rule their home states, if the fate of their local politics came down to my music library!

Ordered alphabetically by state name. Only continental US states, no associated states or far out places.

ALABAMA (AL)
Remy Zero


Our government will be run from:
Birmingham

Main campaign promise:
Music will be the most important signature in our education systems. So everyone can have their 15 minutes of fame and receive endless royalties from syndicated tv shows.

New State Anthem: Save Me


ARIZONA (AZ)
Jimmy Eat World


Our government will be run from:
Mesa

Main campaign promise:
Jimmies and Marys will rule the world. No life will be wasted, everyone will be worthy of remembrance.

New State Anthem: A Praise Chorus


ARKANSAS (AR)
Johnny Cash


Our government will be run from:
Kingsland

Main campaign promise:
Black will be everywhere, even in our state flag. No other color will be allowed for clothing.

New State Anthem: The Man Comes Around


CALIFORNIA (CA)
Xiu Xiu


Our government will be run from:
San Jose

Main campaign promise:
Family therapy and support groups for y’all!

New State Anthem: I Luv the Valley OH


COLORADO (CO)
DeVotchKa


Our government will be run from:
Denver

Main campaign promise:
Increase job opportunities for better quality of life. Less restrictions and tax breaks for corporations and manufacturing companies that would like to bring their operations to our state, especially if they are russian.

New State Anthem: Basso Profundo


CONNECTICUT (CT)
Moby


Our government will be run from:
Darien

Main campaign promise:
Quality soundboards for the fraction of retail price!

Our schools will be the first ones in the nation to include dedicated classes of Pro Tools and Garage Bands for the kiddies.

New State Anthem: One Of These Mornings


DELAWARE (DE)
The Spinto Band


Our government will be run from:
Wilmington

Main campaign promise:
State sponsored musical formation for all interested. So one day we may produce better artists... and attract more tourist.

New State Anthem: Oh Mandy


DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (DC)
The Walkmen


Our government will be run from:
Washington, D.C. (duh)

Main campaign promise:
Constitutional changes to make our district an actual state.

We will also import fog and/or buy massive amounts of fake fog to make our new state way more melancholic.

New State Anthem: The Rat


FLORIDA (FL)
Discover America


Our government will be run from:
Pensacola

Main campaign promise:
By state law, all residents must have a moniker. No more traditional First Name, Second Name - that doesn’t rhyme at all with first name, and patriarchal Last Name.

New State Anthem: Phantom Treasure


GEORGIA (GA)
of Montreal


Our government will be run from:
Athens

Main campaign promise:
Everything will work backwards. If we are happy we will write slow, sleep inducing, songs. Otherwise everything is upbeat and bright. Fancy Broadway inspired makeup, high maintenance hairdos and mismatching colors in clothes will be the norm.

New State Anthem: Suffer For Fashion


IDAHO (ID)
Built to Spill


Our government will be run from:
Boise

Main campaign promise:
Dadaism and Surrealism will reign supreme as our new state graphic identity.

New State Anthem: Goin’ Against Your Mind


ILLINOIS (IL)
Andrew Bird


Our government will be run from:
Chicago

Main campaign promise:
Extra lungs will be pre-installed in every newborn baby, so they can do strong whistles, and turn the pages of their violin scores with their breath!

New State Anthem: A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left


INDIANA (IN)
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's


Our government will be run from:
Indianapolis

Main campaign promise:
Groups and association of less than eight members will be banned, even in social situations. No more single dating and talking to the same two people you already knew in the corner of a bar.

We will also name a street in every town after David Letterman.

New State Anthem: Skeleton Key


IOWA (IA)
Slipknot


Our government will be run from:
Des Moines

Main campaign promise:
Any individual that is seen on the street showing the skin on their face will be ripped apart, de-gutted, drenched in acid, urinated upon by every town resident, and then exhibited in the town plaza.

Aside from that, everyone can do as they please.

New State Anthem: My Plague


KANSAS (KS)
Mates of the State


Our government will be run from:
Lawrence

Main campaign promise:
Family unity will be encouraged by making every married couple start a conjoined project, so they can spend loads of time together.

New State Anthem: My Only Offer


KENTUCKY (KY)
My Morning Jacket


Our government will be run from:
Louisville

Main campaign promise:
Permanent ban on razors and hair scissors.

New State Anthem: Off the Record


LOUISIANA (LA)
Better Than Ezra


Our government will be run from:
New Orleans

Main campaign promise:
Bring back the 90s! revival activities... every day of the week!

New State Anthem: Good


MAINE (ME)
Joan as Police Woman


Our government will be run from:
Biddeford

Main campaign promise:
Straight down pop music will be banned. Everything must contain some classical element, even ad jingles, otherwise they won’t be allowed to be broadcasted.

New State Anthem: Real Life


MARYLAND (MD)
Animal Collective


Our government will be run from:
Baltimore (with a special consulate in Portugal)

Main campaign promise:
More funding for statewide Pet Zoos.

New State Anthem: Peacebone


MASSACHUSETTS (MA)
Caspian


Our government will be run from:
Beverly

Main campaign promise:
Words are overrated. State funding towards programs that build better communication skills.

New State Anthem: Crawlspace


MICHIGAN (MI)
Sufjan Stevens


Our government will be run from:
Petoskey

Main campaign promise:
A special holiday will be instated celebrating wings.

Pass new laws legislations to crack down on bullies, until no kid (or grown man) feels threaten to go out wearing their favorite set of butterfly wings.

New State Anthem: Come on! Feel the Illinoise!


MINNESOTA (MN)
The Hold Steady


Our government will be run from:
Minneapolis

Main campaign promise:
We will no longer need books in schools, as we will pass down our local culture through our songs.

Full mustaches will also be declared hip by law.

New State Anthem: Stuck Between Stations


MISSOURI (MO)
White Rabbits


Our government will be run from:
Columbia

Main campaign promise:
Cute rabbits and drum kits for every one!

New State Anthem: Kid On My Shoulders


NEBRASKA (NE)
Elliott Smith


Our government will be run from:
Omaha

Main campaign promise:
Increased state funding on self-help lines and anti-depression groups in every neighborhood.

New State Anthem: Needle in the Hay


NEVADA (NV)
The Killers


Our government will be run from:
Las Vegas

Main campaign promise:
An atmospheric shield will be built on top of our city, to block out the sun and make it night 24/7.

New State Anthem: Jenny Was a Friend of Mine


NEW HAMPSHIRE (NH)
Okkervil River


Our government will be run from:
Meriden

Main campaign promise:
We will bring more country music to the East, breaking geographical stereotypes.

New State Anthem: No Key, No Plan


NEW JERSEY (NJ)
LCD Soundsystems


Our government will be run from:
Princeton Junction

Main campaign promise:
All laws considered anti-party will be tore down. State funding will be available to support any type of backyard/basement/anywhere parties, with special tax breaks for parties that go on for more than one night.

Perennial US visas will be issue to all french Djs.

New State Anthem: us v them


NEW MEXICO (NM)
Beirut


Our government will be run from:
Santa Fe

Main campaign promise:
Cultural programs will aim at making our state look a lot more european. Any instrument that requires an amplifier or electrical aid will be ban, in favor of wind and other types of contact instruments.

New State Anthem: Nantes


NEW YORK (NY)
The Velvet Underground


Our government will be run from:
New York City

Main campaign promise:
Everyone will have the right to rub shoulders with famous pop art icons, or best suitable alternative.

New State Anthem: Heroin


NORTH CAROLINA (NC)
Annuals


Our government will be run from:
Raleigh

Main campaign promise:
State funds for all high school bands!

New State Anthem: Complete or Completing


OHIO (OH)
The National


Our government will be run from:
Cincinnati

Main campaign promise:
High pitch singers (and wannabes) will be outcasted, due to their boring predictability. No more American Idol auditions will be held in our state.

New State Anthem: Mistaken for Strangers


OKLAHOMA (OK)
St. Vincent


Our government will be run from:
Tulsa

Main campaign promise:
I may side-project as a hairdresser in some other state, but my heart and mind will always be committed to Oklahoma’s best interest.

New State Anthem: Paris Is Burning


OREGON (OR)
Menomena


Our government will be run from:
Portland

Main campaign promise:
It will be required by law that every person plays at least 4 instruments and do on-key singing. Professional recording studios will be denied permits, as music comes out better when it’s made in your own living room.

New State Anthem: Wet And Rusting


PENNSYLVANIA (PA)
A Sunny Day In Glasgow


Our government will be run from:
Philadelphia

Main campaign promise:
Recognizable lyrics are overrated. We will supply everyone statewide with voice modulators.

New State Anthem: Our Change into Rain is No Change at All (Talkin' 'bout Us)


RHODE ISLAND (RI)
Black Dice


Our government will be run from:
Providence

Main campaign promise:
Actual melodies are passé. There will be none of that under our regime.

New State Anthem: Kokomo


SOUTH CAROLINA (SC)
Iron & Wine


Our government will be run from:
Anywhere within state limits

Main campaign promise:
Long beards will be a required standard among men. If you can’t grow one, free hormones will be supplied.

New State Anthem: Innocent Bones


TENNESSEE (TN)
Forget Cassettes


Our government will be run from:
Nashville

Main campaign promise:
80% increase on salaries for all women, no matter their field of work.

New State Anthem: Venison


TEXAS (TX)
Voxtrot


Our government will be run from:
Austin

Main campaign promise:
Only EPs will be made, seeing that LPs don’t do so well.

New State Anthem: Mothers, Sisters, Daughters & Wives


UTAH (UT)
I Hear Sirens


Our government will be run from:
Salt Lake City

Main campaign promise:
All towns and streets will be renamed for titles that contain at least 5 words.

New State Anthem: This Is the Last Time I'll Say Goodbye


VIRGINIA (VA)
Sparklehorse


Our government will be run from:
Richmond

Main campaign promise:
State funding to support long-term projects, that may or may not require 5 years to make.

New State Anthem: Don't Take My Sunshine Away


WASHINGTON (WA)
Band of Horses


Our government will be run from:
Seattle

Main campaign promise:
Statewide ban on all recording devices, cellphone cameras and else. All use of typeface that are not serif and romantic will be banned as well.

New State Anthem: Is There a Ghost


WEST VIRGINIA (WV)
Daniel Johnston


Our government will be run from:
Chester

Main campaign promise:
Anyone suspected of devil worshipping will be burned at the stake! May the lord be with you.

New State Anthem: Some Things Last a Long Time


WISCONSIN (WI)
Bon Iver


Our government will be run from:
Eau Claire

Main campaign promise:
Rezoning and reconstruction of our state to enhance quality of living. All houses will be separated from each other by a minimum 200 miles radius.

We will also declare the members of Xiu Xiu honorary state residents and provide them with keys to our cities.

New State Anthem: Skinny Love

The following states have been sucked out by a vortex and sent packing into a black hole...

MISSISSIPPI (MS)
MONTANA (MT)
NORTH DAKOTA (ND)
SOUTH DAKOTA (SD)
VERMONT (VT)
WYOMING (WY)

Seriously, not even the “Music from -insert state name-” Wikipedia articles shed one single recognizable name. Get working people of those states!

If you are wondering where I got the title for this journal, it’s the name of an extremely silly and funny song by Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever

Comentarios

  • muteoff

    I'm just gonna throw this out there, I think you spent way too much time on this lol, but it's pretty entertaining. The Slipknot one was funny. Oh, and Phish is a pretty famous band from Vermont.

    7 Sep 2008, 14:48
  • pecusita

    [quote]I think you spent way too much time on this[/quote] I did indeed. At first I thought it was gonna be easy, just go through my artist charts and it all be over in the top 100... but I was wrong, had to do research to fill as much states as I could. After I had started I just couldn't stop. That is one of my superpowers: extra determination and commitment to pointless stuff. BUT that was the point to give me something to do, I pretty much spent yesterday morning working on this. It was interesting and somewhat difficult. Yes, I'm talking about you NY state! Anyways, thanks for the recommendation. I may review the journal and add Phish in after I had heard some of their songs and come up with a silly campaign promise :)

    7 Sep 2008, 15:48
  • Dukra

    man, this is cool. kinda funny to read, and i discover some great bands btw! thanks for this ;)

    7 Sep 2008, 16:53
  • heyadamo

    Thank you for nominating Bon Iver as the Wisconsin representitive rather than the Violent Femmes, as most people do around these parts. Not that I don't like the Femmes, but let's just say a little Femmes goes a long way with me. Gotta love the Michigan State song mentions Illinois!

    7 Sep 2008, 22:15
  • phagyna

    An innovative journal on last.fm? Don't believe it.

    8 Sep 2008, 3:06
  • pecusita

    lol@phagyna Gotta say I didn't know Violent Femmes were from Wisconsin, plus I'm not too big on them... they're not in my library to be honest. And all the songs are actually my most played track by those artist. It's sad Sufjan Steven's Michigan album is not too big on me... *sigh* What are you gonna do? The man writes better songs about Illinois! He may lease the state to them.

    8 Sep 2008, 3:29
  • pecusita

    I just wikipediad it and there are actually 5 towns named Eau Claire in the US... I didn't know that! Hahaha, but only the Wisconsin one gets to name Xiu Xiu honorary state residents, cause it'll be the only one with a state governor living in it (:þ) And doing one in an international level will reveal how little variety there is in my library. After the US, UK and Canada everything is badly represented. I'll tell you one thing, The Twilight Sad would rule the UK and their promise will surely be lower the legal drinking age to 12 years old and ban earplugs all throughout the kingdom!

    9 Sep 2008, 2:09
  • pecusita

    Hahaha. I meant that there's not much variety in my library to do much justice to THE WORLD! Sorry, shoutboxes and comments don't allow italics anymore. Agreed about Radiohead, although they will make the UK greener (no pun intended at out conversation or your avatar!) And 56?! [O.o] I must convince all my beloved glaswegian bands to get out of there. I'd like to have them around for some time... I'd go with Hot Chip, every day will be a party! *shakes a martini*

    9 Sep 2008, 19:12
  • Rainway

    Stumbled into this from Black Dice and just wanted to say thanks! I highly enjoyed it :-) Can I make New Jersey my new home?

    16 Oct 2008, 14:51
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