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  • Super Moon

    13 Ago 2014, 23:56

    I died
    Am Reborn
    Transformation is not yet complete
    No werewolf nor vampire
    I speak of alchemy maybe
    But to admit such things
    You would not even believe me
    The Eye that has pried open
    Refuses to shut now
    Good thing to
    Always keep one eye open
    When I sleep
    Third Eye
  • Confessions on a Cloudy Thursday Afternoon

    16 Ene 2014, 23:13

    Greetings and salutations again dear friends. T'is I again with more confusing blather I throw in plain sight to see if anyone notices. The answer is still the same. No one sees, no one knows. I am hiding in plain sight of you, all of me on display in naked lustful abandon, yet no one sees me. Or maybe someone does but I choose not to acknowledge, for how can I when I won't allow myself. So here we are again, me and the Invisible, Nonexistent YOU (oh hush, I KNOW you exist!) just sharing a moment together. I must be feeling a real need to speak or else I would not have been doing this quite so soon again. I have things to say apparently but I've been holding on to whatever it is, for what reason I do not know. You see the title of this journal entry is Confessions on a Cloudy Thursday Afternoon for a reason; I have full intention of revealing my inner thoughts to you right here right now, it's just I have no idea what it is that will come out in this little diatribe. Bear with me, please, if you will.
    The Moon is telling me Her secrets again. I wasn't sure for the longest time, ages in fact, but it seems that this little piece of secret knowledge has started to come to me. No, that's wrong. It's been coming to me the whole time, it's only now that it's becoming more apparent, I am becoming more aware. Oh yeah, there I went and said it. Why does no one else say it clearly? We are all losing our fucking minds and not one of us is SAYING it. So, let me get this straight, we aren't going to talk about what's happening out in the cosmos? It's affecting the crap out of me this time around….okay well, She's always affecting me, no doubt of that, but this Full Moon is intense as fuck in my little corner of existence. She is pushing and prodding me and just NEEDLING me and you know why that is? It's because of Venus. Not only is She is retrograde but she's being feisty with Her lover, Mars, and with Him being in Libra, He doesn't know quite what to do. See this is how I think of them. They are playing out Their own saga in that realm beyond. I have a sense of it since my ruling planet is Venus. I am Her loving servant and so I must go along with the program and guess what, my own partner is ruled by Mars, my warrior Aries, and so as above, so below and in the middle where we dwell.
    Because I am striving to figure this out. Every word is a clue is a step to You on high, for that's what it's all about. I am searching for God.
    Shit, shit, shit! Yea, there I fucking said it. Well not out loud but loud enough for it screams at me from the computer screen although it takes up such little space.
    See I'd rather not make this religious. I am not about that at all in the least. My intent is to find myself and know myself better and just be a good, loving human being. It's spiritual excavation. And it's true, You are the Beginning, Middle, and End of everything. We have a ways to go until the destruction of Man, even then our spirits will remain. In the meantime I am here with my shovel, digging and dirty in the muck and mire.
    I am on the constant search for God in everything, not that I had to find God, I know I didn't have to do that….it's just something else that I have an inkling of but that inkling has me guessing and doing some of my best detective work ever.
    Reflection
  • free spirited writing exercise b

    13 Ene 2014, 16:26

    once upon a time there was a little spark of energy who didn't know she was….that's a good way to begin this little exercise in free flowing thought I am going to try and not plan this out too much, just let it all go from one thought to the next until I hit the wall and then we'll see where we are at, why do I feel like the odd man out once again but not only that, in a weird way I feel I am starting to break out into who I am supposed to be I guess that scares me…..and then a new concept started to unfold I am distracted once again by everything and anything and nothing once again in the bad of my mind I say to myself I need to pull myself together away from this dangerous edge I remember the words you said to me this morning, that you won't let me fall, you won't let me go down that road, you know the one, the path of destruction you know all too well, and yet I know it's not true, things will work out just fine, of this they have already told me time and time again, if it weren't for my stubborn nature I would already believe it…..my intention is to coincide this thought process with the oncoming 11:11 due to occur within moments from now because it is my way of setting intent to purpose in my own little way or did I already say, here it is the moment at last, and I think positive thoughts of u and me and us and love and success, aha…..need to find a way I do to further along the inner peace I find growing bigger inside me…..cuz I feel like I should be doing something and that I'm only doing nothing and what is it exactly that I should be doing, I guess I will know what to do next once I get to the tail end of today won't I, then it will be seen what's to be done next…..am I really so afraid of the changes occurring……yes no maybe so…..
  • Crossing the Roads Again

    13 Ene 2014, 15:44

    The Gypsy One is back again to tell of another tale
    Of embracing warriors in the starry night, sending hearts assail
    It seems a path has suddenly cleared yet the tree is so very close
    Always needing to take one step back to avoid the rapid dose
    That potent shot of adrenaline administered directly to the spot
    Is more powerful than any other inorganically delivered shot
    The voice that nags incessantly does also provide great service
    Even as I try to convince myself I'm really not a huge novice
    At this secret game of life the answers begin to surround me
    It's just that I can see all sides which I don't think he can see
    (Then again he sees a side that I can't really see)
    It's like I know what I have to do yet am frozen to the floor
    Every step taking me forward I hear that voice from the core
    Other voices swirl around within the chit chat of the brain
    Render me incapacitated and sexually inane
    Which way do I go which way do I go, caught in the darkened cavern
    Turns at every twist as we twist at every turn
    This is the Maze of fantasies lore I have often envisioned
    For I am bound by nature to creating my own prison
    Fortuitous day comes at last
  • Plowed

    10 Dic 2013, 23:50

    If you want me come and claim me
    I am the Earth stricken with desire to be touched
    Gently rough within your hands
    Grounded into dirt yet lifted into atmosphere
    Drown me in the waters of your lusty waves
    Ebbing and flowing further and closer
    To your burning embers of desirous flames
    My spirit consumes all of my surrounding elementals
    Trees, skies, birds, bees, and beast
    It all swirls around me in heady intoxication
    This song and dance is never ending
    And I am caught up in its dance
    Like a plastic bag on a windy day
  • Winter's Embrace

    1 Dic 2013, 18:44

    Rebirth is happening
    Within the ashes of the phoenix's flames
    An awakening of souls is transpiring
    Subtle vibrations
    And completely unavoidable
    Change is happening
    Regardless of whether we know it or not
    Or if we choose to be aware
    Because all of a sudden I am
    The things I need to observe
    Cannot be done with the eyes
    As long as I go with what I feel
    I will be okay
    Today is the first day of the rest of my life
    Which is for eternity and a day
    This winter's embrace is one of fire and release
    Walk through fire
    To find what I'm looking for
    Which I believe I will find deep in the core of me
  • July 4th

    5 Jul 2013, 17:00

    Fireworks lit up the sky on independence night
    Of massive proportion, a trail of destruction in its flight
    These were lights and flashes that no one else could see but me
    There were loud bangs that no one else could hear in truth or falsely
    A storm to be weathered in the twilight of the hour
    As a crescendo of thunder and lightening rained divine power
    I thought I would fly in my frightened state
    Leaving our plans in the dust and disintegrate
    The fork in the road came plainly into view
    Behind me the darkness but before me there was you
    There is a line famous lyric, poem, or sonnet
    Which in this Brand New Day my mind reflects upon it
    That perhaps the truth has really always been there
    Right under my nose, the past laid to bare
    To have to surrender myself in all that I have come to know
    Or simply uncork that wretched stoppage of flow
    Funny enough at this noon time hour, sun in all Its glory
    The blue skies prevail and brings clarity to our story
    How ironic that as this mystery reveals
    I want to know more and seek to seal future deals
    For once again to face the dragon bravely
    Fight to the death, penetrate the other side safely
    Through another door, this one a massive pillar
    Strength in its core, undercover lady-killer
    Childish things had me sucked into an ecliptic blindness
    That rendered me incarcerated where fools play mindless
    Games of the heart, tricking mind, body, soul
    To now reach this point where I willingly surrender control
    In this light of day I want to burrow in your compassion
    Bring color to the complexion that so long mired in ashen
    Nourish the flame we sparked unawares
    Announce for a change "These are HAPPY tears!"
    Today I am soaring the skies amongst all that are free
    This Independence Day has unexpectedly unchained me
  • The Fool

    2 Jul 2013, 19:25

    Leap of faith time
    Take a look around
    Is it safe?
    Oh wait, better not
    Close wary eyes
    Do it, whispery voices
    Off the cliff
    Into the majestic unknown
    Float within
    Darkness folds
    Does not apprehend
    Fear fall back
    No place for that here
    Not this time
    Go on
    Take your best shot
    I can take it
  • Death and Life

    29 May 2013, 13:57

    Greetings and salutations my friends and fellow par-takers in this game called Life. I'm back from my travels, once again yearning to put thought to screen for someone's reading pleasure. Surely this goes undetected and since I don't allow comments I will never know. In any case here I am feeling discombobulated at the latest turn of events in my ever exciting life. None of what's happening right now is bad. This is how I get when I know things are beyond my control now. I withdraw. Become pensive and moody. The changes are happening as was predicted by the Guardians, the importance of it overwhelming me at this time. Why do I find it impossible to organize my thoughts? Usually I'm much better at expressing the written thought when my tongue succeeds in capitulating speech, which seems to be all the time the older I become. And suddenly the urge to confess what I have been longing to confess but cannot seem to find the right phrase or attitude in which to do it, so shall I just say the thing I want to say so maddeningly boisterous? Instead I'll whisper it. I am in love. That's it. I've been thinking it. Certainly I've been feeling it. And now I am declaring it here for anyone, everyone, and no one to see. I am in love, and it's got me unnerved. Why? Because for the first time in a long time I am getting the thing I've wanted forever. The love of a man who I love back. It should be simple. Boy and girl meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. Our story is not simple however because human beings are complicated creatures no matter how much we strive for simplicity. Our genetic make-up deems it so. Perhaps some humans manage it better than others, and certainly I confess to being one of the more complicated ones, just for the way my mind works alone. At present I find it impossible to ignore the events unfolding both externally and internally, so there is a constant flutter of mental activity no matter the condition. I do more thinking than doing that's to say the least, over-analysis being one of my favorite daily pastimes. But it's like the record is stuck on a scratch. I used to feel as though I was no stranger to the emotion yet here now I say I have never in my life felt these particular feelings before. Ten years ago is a lifetime in the world of changing lives. Ironically I entered my thirties with a broken heart that is still mending to this day for comparatively speaking I find myself in new, uncharted territory with the amazing man I now lovingly refer to as my boyfriend. Still feels weird to say it out loud. My boyfriend. I haven't said those two words together like that in ten years. This is what the Universe has been talking about all along, and it's why I am going through it again as I adapt to the new life I am only just starting to live.The new chapter has begun and his name is Lover. To have never felt intensity such as this with anyone before now, you can imagine the state I am in. With my last relationship I used to describe the feelings I was experiencing as a spider web, meaning the more I struggled the stronger it had me. Except I wasn't really struggling. It was all meant to be romantically symbolic. This time feels different from that despite the fact I recognize the sensations. Goes to show the basic outline barely wavers, it just takes on new dimensions because of the dynamic of the two people involved directly. And yes I do realize I am babbling here within the confines of this thought process but it's what I need to do right now. I trust no one with my feelings about him. Not even him or myself. There is a lingering thread of mistrust that I struggle to sever, not towards him, but of the situation. It's really a mistrust of myself in a whole lot of ways, that is to say, that gnawing annoyance of self-doubt which is the bane of my existence. My only enemy resides within myself. That's why I get quiet. Because I know what I must do. I see my steps in front of me. He has my hand, ready for me to take that leap of faith with him. Is it supposed to feel awkward as though I am doing this for the very first time? Am I turning into an inexperienced virgin all of a sudden? Where did the bad-ass bitch go? All of a sudden I've reverted to that 5 year old who nervously hand-crafted her first Valentine to a boy out of a brown paper bag. It was the first rejection I never seemed to get over. Thirty five years later that girl-child still exists, only resurfacing now after being buried beneath the surface for all those long years. It's time to let go of childish things. Face destiny bravely. Like Peter Pan I don't want to grow up. One pill makes you shorter and one pill makes you tall and the pills that mother gives you don't do anything at all......

    Feel So Different
  • Private Caller

    4 May 2013, 20:38

    The phone rang. The caller ID said "Private Caller". Any other time the call would not have been answered. Following protocol it wasn't. The caller hung up. Tried again. Intrigued there was an attempt to answer. The caller had already hung up. Another attempt ensued. Another attempt to answer only to find dial tone on the other end proved frustrating. This went on for another moment or three until finally success.
    "Hello."
    "Andi?"
    "Yes?"
    Click.
    Slightly stunned there came an immediate rush of realization. This was an instantaneous hunch as though the puzzle pieces wanted to fall into place. It was easy to jump to conclusions as though the knowledge came first hand from the source. An overwhelming feeling that Karma was calling was too powerful to ignore. Subsequent to that came the compulsion to go into some kind of damage control, and the uneasiness turned to simply securing the fortress as quickly as possible. The next phone call will most likely reveal the mystery of the moment.