Greetings and salutations again dear friends. T'is I again with more confusing blather I throw in plain sight to see if anyone notices. The answer is still the same. No one sees, no one knows. I am hiding in plain sight of you, all of me on display in naked lustful abandon, yet no one sees me. Or maybe someone does but I choose not to acknowledge, for how can I when I won't allow myself. So here we are again, me and the Invisible, Nonexistent YOU (oh hush, I KNOW you exist!) just sharing a moment together. I must be feeling a real need to speak or else I would not have been doing this quite so soon again. I have things to say apparently but I've been holding on to whatever it is, for what reason I do not know. You see the title of this journal entry is Confessions on a Cloudy Thursday Afternoon for a reason; I have full intention of revealing my inner thoughts to you right here right now, it's just I have no idea what it is that will come out in this little diatribe. Bear with me, please, if you will.
The Moon is telling me Her secrets again. I wasn't sure for the longest time, ages in fact, but it seems that this little piece of secret knowledge has started to come to me. No, that's wrong. It's been coming to me the whole time, it's only now that it's becoming more apparent, I am becoming more aware. Oh yeah, there I went and said it. Why does no one else say it clearly? We are all losing our fucking minds and not one of us is SAYING it. So, let me get this straight, we aren't going to talk about what's happening out in the cosmos? It's affecting the crap out of me this time around….okay well, She's always affecting me, no doubt of that, but this Full Moon is intense as fuck in my little corner of existence. She is pushing and prodding me and just NEEDLING me and you know why that is? It's because of Venus. Not only is She is retrograde but she's being feisty with Her lover, Mars, and with Him being in Libra, He doesn't know quite what to do. See this is how I think of them. They are playing out Their own saga in that realm beyond. I have a sense of it since my ruling planet is Venus. I am Her loving servant and so I must go along with the program and guess what, my own partner is ruled by Mars, my warrior Aries, and so as above, so below and in the middle where we dwell.
Because I am striving to figure this out. Every word is a clue is a step to You on high, for that's what it's all about. I am searching for God.
Shit, shit, shit! Yea, there I fucking said it. Well not out loud but loud enough for it screams at me from the computer screen although it takes up such little space.
See I'd rather not make this religious. I am not about that at all in the least. My intent is to find myself and know myself better and just be a good, loving human being. It's spiritual excavation. And it's true, You are the Beginning, Middle, and End of everything. We have a ways to go until the destruction of Man, even then our spirits will remain. In the meantime I am here with my shovel, digging and dirty in the muck and mire.
I am on the constant search for God in everything, not that I had to find God, I know I didn't have to do that….it's just something else that I have an inkling of but that inkling has me guessing and doing some of my best detective work ever. Reflection