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Mitch Hedberg

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  • ihavesoldout

    I'm gonna go shave, too.

    6 Ene 22:33 Responder
  • ralfsu

    “I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals. She was saying, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Thank God the flower can’t talk, what would it say? “Fuck, that hurts! Fuck, that hurts as well. Fuck! Leave me alone! I’m no longer pretty. And he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals.”

    24 Ago 2014 Responder
  • Kesokuk

    Saved by the buoyancy of citrus

    14 May 2014 Responder
  • MohabSelim2

    Sir, you have one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Don't decorate it!

    3 Nov 2013 Responder
  • mecbirdhouse

    Every time I see a broken escalator I think of him and get rather happy then rather sad.

    30 Oct 2013 Responder
  • MohabSelim2

    That'd be funny if you were a drummer, and you grabbed two magical wands instead of drumsticks. Be pounding out the beat "1-2-3-4 Oh shit, my bass player's now a can of soup... Sorry Rick, I mean Cream of Mushroom!

    27 Oct 2013 Responder
  • ihavesoldout

    Music tagged “a guy who likes to boat”

    3 Jul 2013 Responder
  • ralfsu

    I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut... I don't need a receipt for the donut! I give you money and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend? "Don't even act like I didn't get that donut, I've got the documentation right here!"

    27 May 2013 Responder
  • ralfsu

    An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an ''Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order'' sign, just ''Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the CONVENIENCE!”

    26 May 2013 Responder
  • SLFV

    We've gotta keep kids off the canal

    9 May 2013 Responder
  • lagginswag

    Pancakes; all exciting at first, but by the end you’re fucking sick of ‘em

    15 Mar 2013 Responder
  • dabigcheeze

    I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait!"

    13 Dic 2012 Responder
  • Ahoy_hoy

    Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

    6 Dic 2012 Responder
  • leoislostatsea

    I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you the money and then you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.

    10 Oct 2012 Responder
  • BobRozga

    absolute legend

    9 Oct 2012 Responder
  • TheVileViolater

    I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to too.

    30 Ago 2012 Responder
  • joemcmaster

    lol stoner humor

    24 Jul 2012 Responder
  • azrider450

    Oh man, he was really funny.

    22 Jun 2012 Responder
  • mattdh12

    give us a call at 1-800-I-LOVE-BRAND-NEW-CARPET

    8 May 2012 Responder
  • Anderstotten

    sorry for the convenience*

    7 Feb 2012 Responder
  • Todas las notas (529)

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