Emergency Wanking Thread

 
  • Emergency Wanking Thread

    wank wank wank wank wank wank

    I once had a very enjoyable wank
    Whilst sitting on a challenger tank
    Your mother was stained
    When my man sperm rained
    Then she demanded I go to the bank

    wank wank wank wank wank wank

    • [Usuario eliminado] escribió...
    • Usuario
    • 19 May 2008, 22:28

    I have nothing better to do with my time

    On Monday I wanked off a horse
    Securing it was troublesome of course
    At first it was flaccid
    I bathed it in acid
    Massaged it with considerable force
    The acid burned through to the glans
    I severed the skin with my hands
    The horse bucked and brayed
    Its penis was flayed
    Horses have strange sexual demands

    On Tuesday I wanked in a shed
    A man in the corner was dead
    I sprayed him with sperm
    And hell to the germs
    I licked off the come from his head
    I can't say I enjoyed the taste
    His flesh had rotted to paste
    His cock had gone grey
    But what can I say
    You can't let a corpse go to waste

    On Wednesday I buggered a wall
    It wasn't orgasmic at all
    The rough sandstone bricks
    They grated my dick
    And grazed all the skin off my balls
    So now all I have is a stump
    A badly frayed shapeless red lump
    It stings when I piss
    I didn't want this
    But what else was I supposed to hump?

    On Thursday I got bored of writing this sick poem.

  • oh dear lord how do i shut the browser?

    Editado por James_Hartley el 6 Sep 2012, 19:28
  • cookdandbombd is down again
    lost and lonely is my brain
    so like a mug
    I had a tug
    to stop me from going insane

  • wanking is my life
    I don't need a wife

    in my right handy
    signs are I'm randy

    whilst pumping the pink pork
    a buttplug, my arse, corks

    • kalifire escribió...
    • Usuario
    • 30 Jun 2008, 17:50
    Sixteen years for what I did to that whore
    Tried to defend it, but that was the law
    The judge looked disgusted when he made his decision
    But the upside is there's lots of jizm in prison.


    Oh I just realised this thread's about wanking
    Lucky for me, your mother I'm thanking
    I've a picture of her dressed in ribbons and lace
    If she were here now, what I'd do to her face...

    • [Usuario eliminado] escribió...
    • Usuario
    • 22 Mar 2009, 16:50
    a wanking thread. it's... different...

    • Spiral25 escribió...
    • Usuario
    • 5 Dic 2009, 23:48
    Customer:
    Morning,

    Waitress:
    Morning.

    Customer:
    What have you got?

    Waitress:
    Well, there's egg and bacon,
    egg sausage and bacon
    Egg and wank
    Egg, bacon and wank
    Egg, bacon, sausage and wank
    Wank, bacon, sausage and wank
    Wank, egg, wank, wank, bacon and wank
    Wank, sausage, wank, wank, wank, bacon, wank tomato and wank
    Wank, wank, wank, egg and wank
    Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, baked beans, wank, wank, wank and wank.

    (Choir: Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Lovely Wank! Lovely Wank!)

    Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
    served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
    garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and wank.

    Wife:
    Have you got anything without wank?

    Waitress:
    Well, the wank, eggs, sausage and wank
    That's not got much wank in it

    Wife:
    I don't want any wank!

    Customer:
    Why can't she have eggs, bacon, wank and sausage?

    Wife:
    That's got wank in it!

    Customer:
    Hasn't got much wank in it as wank, eggs, sausage and wank has it?

    (Choir: Wank! Wank! Wank!...)

    Wife:
    Could you do me eggs, bacon, wank and sausage without the wank, then?

    Waitress:
    Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!

    Wife:
    What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like wank!

    (Choir: Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!)

    Waitress (to choir):
    Shut up!

    (Choir: Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!)

    Waitress:
    Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
    You can't have egg, bacon, wank and sausage without the wank.

    Wife:
    I don't like wank!

    Customer:
    Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your wank. I love it,
    I'm having wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, baked beans,
    wank, wank, wank, and wank!

    (Choir: Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!)

    Waitress:
    Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.

    Customer:
    Well, could I have her wank instead of the baked beans then?

    Waitress:
    You mean wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
    wank and wank?

    Choir (intervening):
    Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank!
    Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!
    Wank spa-a-a-a-a-am wank spa-a-a-a-a-am wank.
    Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank!
    Wank wank wank wank!

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